Slogging Through

Thursday - September 6, 2012

Is it hump day?  Was it hump night?  Not sure how to calculate formally the exact hump moment since my discharge time remains imprecise but I am definitely counting down to Saturday's departure.  While I don't believe I ever fully embraced the hospital experience, this current stay has been an endurance test.  Perhaps I'm just worn down.  I am completely zoning out and passing the time - not at all my normal self these last few weeks.  As Megan recently wrote in her blog, "I've felt so.... not-positive lately.  Now hold on, I didn't say negative. Just... not-positive."  Yes, her sentiment seems correct.  Not negative yet not positive.  I am simply slogging through the days.  Passively, not actively.  This mindset gives me pause.  My BMT incanceration may be a month or more with many more side effects and strict food restrictions.  Perhaps a bit of that future dread is creeping into the manageable and not-at-all-uncomfortable "now".  I must stop projecting....

My second set of  chemo "tree rings" are growing in

Today I need to get into a more functional frame of mind and action-orientation.  Joseph jump-started me a bit last night with some steady company and a cheery dose of muffins to supplement my hospital fare.  I am somewhat more revived by my heavy lobbying that resulted in a better night's sleep (6 and a half hours of snoozing with only 3 interruptions), few chemo effects (some flushing, bloating, and edema), and an upbeat consult from this week's attending physician who said "Your PET scan looks great!"  Gosh, I LOVE that adjective!  So, perhaps I can find some energy and motivation today to catch up on correspondence and tackle some other obligations.  The sun shines through my window, I have a bike in my room, the U.S. Open offers some daytime sports distraction, and I still have a Joe-procured muffin tempting me  :)