Accepting Changes

Friday - September 28, 2012

Peasant Painting detail:  Happy around the house  :)

Am I becoming more of a homemaker now that I am not working or volunteering outside of the house?  Hmmm.... Perhaps so....  As evidence, I confess that I am inordinately pleased with having achieved a rare home-focused standard:  I have "pulled a Thelma" - the systematic and immediate stripping of bedding and remaking of beds in preparation for the next guests.  This high standard has hovered in my mind for decades, nicknamed for a woman I have never in fact met but who is a dear friend of my mother-in-law, Maureen.  Maureen once mentioned in passing Thelma's quick-as-a-flash post-visitor routine and ever since I have always approached this task with Thelma firmly in mind.  And now, I have indeed successfully pulled the fastest Thelma ever following Megan's departure.  We're ready for her to return!

In another clear marker of my change in status, I am actualizing medical suggestions / comments and processing my disability claim.  After all, I am simply unable to work.  I guess I am truly "disabled" and will be drawing down my Social Security account in acknowledgement of this hard-to-face fact.  As the nurse practitioner mentioned in Baltimore, with the BMT I will be "disabled" in every sense of the word. Not only will I be unable to work, I'll be unable to cook, clean, do laundry, be in crowds etc.  I am accepting the inevitable, submitting the forms, and thinking that the funds might underwrite the rents for our Richmond apartment and then the New Kent house.  It is my chance to contribute and help out.

But, it's somewhat a question of identity, isn't it?  When was the last time that I was without a community role?  An identifiable responsibility?  A paycheck?  Working back through the years and roles -- mom (!), PTA volunteer in so many schools, preschool director, teacher, student, USDOC and then management consultant employee -- I think the last time I was without an actual independent role was when Joe and I moved to Beijing in 1987 and I had a two month interlude when I was not working.  As Joe will corroborate, I was as mad as a wet hen.  When I finally started my teaching job, I was on cloud nine!  WAIT!  Could it be that those two months of unfocused unemployment in autumnal Beijing might have been the only time in my entire life when I did not have an outward purpose and a clear role.  Wow - I've been busy  :) 

"A most terribly tidy particular little mouse, always sweeping and dusting"

So a reality check on the homemaker status: while I may have happily reached Thelma's standard, I once explained to both Megan and Jonathan that I am not and do not aspire to be Mrs. Tittlemouse.  I aim for "tidy" but not BMT-worthy clean.  We will be employing a deep-cleaning service to ready my various abodes for after my BMT.  Instead, these days I am focusing on purging and organizing in preparation for the many months that I will be out of the house for my bone marrow transplant.  A worthy project and a specific role?  Sure, why not!

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Jonathan's here for a day!  He must have left Blacksburg at the crack of dawn because he moseyed on in here around 11 :)   After our customary pilgrimage to Jonathan's favorite Williamsburg restaurant (Anna's), we are taking it easy (surprise!) and enjoying the afternoon.