To Google or Not to Google?

Wednesday - October 10, 2012

That is the (tricky) question ... when facing or in the midst of cancer treatment.  Stage 4 cancer?  Well, with that sobering diagnosis, you know that the virtual cortisol level on the web is probably sky high and that the possibility of coming face to face with your mortality is a certainty.  Yes, I may want some information  - especially any reassuring statistics - but to get to those gems I know that I will have to pass through some bleak survival rates and be overwhelmed and devastated by other cancer fighters' descriptions of chemo effects and poor outcomes.  I have known my limits.

So my decision has generally been to avoid internet searches except for the rare instances where I have narrowed my inquiries to Google Scholar or used "medical journal" in my search to funnel my results to drier, more academic discussions.  Joe, Megan, and Carolyn have been braver internet researchers, sharing their results in our conversations or sending me links.  All three have probably read more on marrow.org than I have;  Joe says that he has read every word.

I bring all of this up because I spent a large chunk of yesterday reading cancer blogs, Stage 4 DLBC Lymphoma blogs to be specific.  Megan has been reading cancer blogs since late spring and yesterday when she once again referenced a blog she had read, I decided to gird myself and just plunge in.  My takeaways are that remarkable wells of resolve and strength exist in the face of great suffering in the cancer community and just how variable and personalized all of these cancers are.  Oncology truly is an art as well as a science.  I also realize and am appreciative once again that I have been extremely fortunate in my response to treatment.  While I can't slough off the 3 neutropenic fevers that landed me back in the hospital, I have really had little to no side effects from this massive and intense chemo protocol.  Mucositis after the even rounds?  Yes.  But no vomiting or nausea and after my first 2 rounds, less fatigue and muscle weakness.

In scrolling through the blogs, I have not yet had any hits for Stage 4 DLBCL treated with Hyper CVAD or with CNS involvement so I created an account and posted on Blog for a Cure.  Now that I have broken through this emotional wall, I am going to have to measure out my participation.  I can easily see spending another hospital day reading these very inspirational and informative blogs.

"I Spy" Joe leaving the hospital yesterday afternoon!

In non-internet news from the Oncology floor, my kidneys are once again working wonders!  Monday's mega dose of methetrexate is being purged at a phenomenal rate.  Last night, my blood level shows 1.3 micromolar (1 x 10 to the -7 M) and I need to go down to 0.05 ("undetectable") for discharge.  I am so close and have purged so quickly that they are actually going to draw my blood earlier this afternoon with the thought that I might go home in late afternoon or early evening!  HURRAH!  Go kidneys!  On the slightly negative side, my blood levels are already trending downward and my potassium has been declining in response to the methotrexatre.  Yesterday, I took supplemental potassium but my level has continued to go down and today I am taking 4 times the level of potassium to try to level it off.  Neither piece of blood level news counters the good news about my methotrexate level and I should be going home soon - today or tomorrow at the latest!

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Just finished listening to an amazing Fresh Air interview recommended on a blog I read yesterday.  Terry talks with an oncologist about his book:  The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer.  I've already reserved it at the library :)