Counterintuitively Germaphobic

Wednesday - October 3, 2012

The calm before the storm

Yes, I am feeling the best I have since early morning December 28 on Seven Mile Beach, Grand Cayman.  Pretty amazing, yes?  Simply put, I am no longer feeling the effects of the DLBC lymphoma.  It's gone (as far as we can detect).  The chemo has been a success and my "complete response" is documented in my PET scan and my MRIs.  Part 1 of this cancer journey is a joyous, total success!  I am blessed and grateful.

So, why am I so nervous this week?  What is keeping me so spooked that I am hesitant to go to the supermarket?  Why opt for dining in rather than a trip out in the world for dinner?  I am feeling very, very gunshy about venturing outside and encountering germs (and other people).  Perhaps, this "found week" is so very precious and I am feeling so very good that I simply do not want to risk ... anything!  I understand intellectually that the odds of an early hospitalization due to a fever / infection are infinitesimally low yet I continue to worry that my temperature might elevate and then my "found week" will be brutally abbreviated.  It isn't logical, it's emotional.  I am glued to the house and its environs, making the most of this opportunity to clean out closets and to toss, sort, and organize.  I suppose I am a newly inaugurated germaphobe ... took me long enough :)