Dreams of Jefferson Street (and the Start of Fatigue?)

Wednesday - August 1, 2012

On my first early morning in about a week, I awoke to the rustlings of thunder and a few whips of rain slapping the windows.  I feel quite well - no discomfort even from my twinge-prone lower back - but at 3:50 a.m. was fully and completely alert.  Sadie, wide-awake and attentive next to my elbow, could not lull me back to sleep (despite a few kisses) so I resorted to my tried-and-true method of "walking through" our family homes in an attempt to fall back into slumber.  Tonight, I enjoyed a nostalgic stroll through Jefferson Street, a home that we will sell this afternoon.

Other people might count the proverbial sheep in order to drop back into sleep; I focus my thoughts and eliminate distractions by walking through houses ... negotiating furniture placement, recalling paintings, conjuring up details, investigating hidden corners.  I can first recall such a dream stroll in my teens when I would lull myself back to sleep in the humid ( no a/c folks - it was the 70s and we just sweated it out) confines of my Connecticut bedroom by ambling through the Brussels house and Riviera boat that had housed me during my summer in Europe.  Over the years,  I have often returned to our snug Pimmit Hills bungalow, our Soviet-era apartment block in Beijing, the mists of our damp rambler on Yangmingshan, our fabulous aerie in Hong Kong, the breezes and space of the Upper East Side, and our comfortable, happy family home on Jefferson Street.  Today, our sweet Arlington home is being sold; the papers will be inked and the deal will be made.  Given that it's been almost three years since we packed out our nuclear home and fractured into our separate abodes, our lovely family home has already shifted its hold.  New paint and kitchen upgrades (for the tenants - not us!) have already transformed it into an unfamiliar reality.  But in my nighttime walk throughs, all is restored.... in floods of sunshine and vivid color (orange, red, lime, cobalt, yellow, and purple).  Happy, happy thoughts BUT ... I still couldn't get back to sleep  :)

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Sadie and Baxter show how it's done.

Some purging, some laundry, some packing (hospital "go bag" is prepped for August 14), and even some modest cooking and then WHAM!  I have been ambushed by chemo fatigue.  It has crept into my sunny state of busy-ness and kidnapped my mojo.  The GOOD news is that pressing obligations are few and far between for this project-focused individual.  Aside from a newly-discovered well of correspondence that has been funneled into my spam filter (thanks unsolicited AOL upgrade), my calendar can probably be cleared to allow a languid nap on the oh-so-comfy-denim-couch.   The hounds are great exemplars, modeling a coping mechanism to combat this chemo fatigue;  they have spent the ENTIRE day curled up and snoozing away. Given my lack of sleepiness, actual zzzzzs remain elusive but I shall do my best to emulate a dog's life.