"3 a.m. and All is Well"

Wednesday - August 15, 2012

Mr. Cow waits for morning

Vitals?  Blood draw?  Alarms from my bubbling sodium bicarbonate drip?  The IV steroid that has been pushed twice today to pair with my methotrexate infusion?  The rhythm and subtle grind that characterizes the sound of the infusion pump?  The sound of the floors being cleaned by that whirring / purring / humming ride-on machine that does circuits in the halls every morning between 3 and 4 a.m.?  (WHAT does it look like?  Someday I will just have to scope it out.)   Who knows why I am up in the wee hours - alert and ready for the day to begin .... The BBC World Service keeps me company with in-depth reports about the housing crisis in the U.S., drought in Western Nebraska,  disabilities in the Ukraine, and today's bomb in downtown Damascus ....  Hmmmm ..... Maybe it's time to queue up "Thistle and Shamrock" or Pandora and try to nap ....
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Success?  I suppose .... Two more hours of deep / delicious REM sleep disrupted by two  interruptions - one air-in-line alarm and one wake-up to get my vitals.  Uncle!  I'm getting dressed .... Sleep in the hospital is precious and elusive.

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Happiness is getting the bike back in my room :)  

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... but true contentment is having Joseph visit at the end of his long day at work.  Joe feeds, walks, and loves our affection-craved hounds (hysterical yesterday at the sight of Jonathan carrying bags into the garage!) and then hops in the car for the 50 minute drive to Richmond to spend some time with me.  He must be exhausted.  Every chore is falling on him, he is working a demanding job with much personal interaction, and he is my calm and comforting companion.

Joe is pulling heavy duty these last 8+ months dealing with my crashes and fears in response to debilitating pain and loss of vision, helping to ferret out a diagnosis, and now shouldering all of the household issues.  With my BMT, my function will be even more proscribed and Joe will pull in the slack.  I wish I could do more but the reality is that I simply cannot.  I have to rely completely on Joe.

30 years together and with this new challenge we fall back on our strong core, our friendship, our amusement in one another, and our love.  I am one lucky woman.