... is quite a friendly way to begin a day - even if the sweet gesture is from an alert dog and not a still-slumbering husband! Better yet, today's awakening came when it was already daylight! No 3 a.m. double-takes with many hours splayed out before me. I'm roided up for sure - pretty jittery and unfocused - yet am on a more acceptable schedule. This may be the workable plan to get more rest next steroids-round. I'll try to grab a quick nap just before juicing up in the late afternoon with the thought that I'll be able to make it through til dawn. Rest assured, Sadie will be waiting with her morning greeting as I stir! My new hairless status allows me to enjoy quite a different sensation from her traditional "good morning."Morning thoughts: Do all parents of grown children do a check upon waking? Today, I awoke thinking that Jonathan is back at Joe's mother's house in New Hope, PA having enjoyed a Tuesday night Mets baseball win in his first NYC trip of 2012. Megan is wheels down in Beijing, meeting up with her boyfriend who has just flown in from Hong Kong, and making their way into town for a Wednesday night dinner. Okay. Pulse check? Still high but not scary. Plans for the day? Nothing medical and hoping to have some physical strength to make a foray to Matoaka to do a tackle of my classroom. My dear friend Clare put a new mantra into my mind a few years ago, saying "not to let the perfect get in the way of the good." Even if I can't FINISH all that needs to be done at Matoaka, I can make a quick dent and get moving (assuming I have the strength to move!). Another good mantra since I'm on the subject: "Don't put things down, put things AWAY." And lastly, my most pervasive mantra: "Focus on the positives."
Enough steroid-induced mantra-sharing: back to my NYT!
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Pre-noon and I have roused from a snatched one-hour nap to return to a state of weird physical underperformance. My body looks fine, I may appear to be functional, but WOW my oomph is gone. Physically, my muscles are still not performing and I am forced to rest. Given my fatigue-induced lack of mental acuity, I am also not operating on full cylinders on the cognitive end.
Soooo ... I am learning to adjust to new standards and limitations brought on by these chemo treatments. On this last day as a 50 year old, I am certainly aware of my project-oriented needs to feel self-productive and contributing. I LOVE being busy, learning new content, and interacting with everyone around me. I am active, not passive. This new phase may bring me further introspection and respect for just being ... rather than growing and moving. I simply cannot do much but exercise my brain and rest my healing body. That's my priority!
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