Feeling Grateful

Sunday- June 24, 2012

Slipping downstairs after 5 hours sleep, I stop at the top of the steps to enjoy a moment of gratitude.  I am headache-free, seeing properly, and surrounded by happy, positive, interesting, and oh-so-helpful people.  Just look at that beautiful boy on the couch!

The familiar view at 4 a.m.

Cancer treatment is NOT where I had expected to be just a few months ago.  With our retirement plans morphing into another job assignment (with Taiwan as our strongest option), Joseph had managed to switch an Asia-assignment to a terrific job in San Francisco, a city we both love that also affords easy access to our U.S.-dwelling children.  I was bereft at the thought of leaving my school after finding such a unique and dynamic community after SO many years awaiting a return to the classroom.  While job hunting once more was not rocking my boat, I was happy to have an ESL endorsement for California licensing and to see what opportunities might turn up:  Chinatown, perhaps?  Anyway, here we are - an unexpected health crisis later - and Joe and I are NOT in the midst of our pack-out, the cross-country drive with dogs is OFF (and, gosh, we really are going to have to figure out how to get the cat west), and I do NOT anticipate working for at least another year in any capacity other than "substitute".  It's been a wholesale change.  Now my priority is to embrace my cancer treatment and to purge the lymphoma. 

Am I disappointed at this shocking change in life plans?  Actually, not really.... I'm not sure "disappointment" has surfaced.  I am still incredibly surprised (What happened?  How could the familiar and predictable go so far off the expected trajectory?) but my overwhelming feeling is one of gratitude that in this lymphoma lottery, I have drawn the cancer ticket rather than the children.  I also feel incredibly grateful that Joe and I are weathering this challenge at - what actually might be - an opportune time.  Both Megan and Jonathan are adults and fully ensconced in their personal journeys.  I am no longer in chauffeur-mode or support to young children and the children have actually reversed roles (yes, I feel some guilt) and been phenomenal nurturers.  Joseph is in a familiar job with great support and some flexibility.  He has been able to extend work in Williamsburg through December and we will relocate to San Francisco at the end of that month. I have finished my Masters program and (finally) gotten my teaching license.  Carolyn has uprooted her entire family for the summer to be here as a plugged-in, empathetic, hands-on, comprehensive partner for me.  She continues her consulting work every morning from her computer /telephone while the children keep independent and busy around the house, making us smile with their cheery demeanors.  Finally, my Matoaka school community has kept the entire family going with food, visits, well-wishes, and classroom clean-up (THANK YOU 1st grade team!).  What was I thinking when I first proposed completing the first round of chemo and then moving to San Fran to complete the protocol?  The thought of continuing on with our original plan was tempting but, in the end, staying here in the comfort of friends has been the greatest blessing. 

All in all, I am incredibly grateful.  Grateful for the health of my family.  Grateful that the chemo is having results.  Grateful for companionship, friendship, and love. Grateful for the sun finally coming up on another Virginia summer day!

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No naps, two outings (around camp), and terrific visits with family and friends!



As Carolyn says, I have stretched myself hard today and am now fading fast.  My HOPE is that I will get more than 4 - 5 hours sleep; a 3 or 4 a.m. wake up is a quiet time of reflection but I would like to rest before starting my week of hospital visits!

Highlights of today included Skyping with Megan in the morning; a trip out to the glorious York to see a new-to-me eagles' nest; a family pool trip with the young cousins; a sweet, smiling visit from two delightful young ladies (and their wonderful mom!); and a jolly dinner with Rachel and Don before they went back home to Winchester.  Casey is staying behind with us for a few days to enjoy some time with his Colorado cousins.  The children are genuinely charged to be with one another and I am finding their connections and laughter infectious and sustaining.  Oh how I enjoyed watching them in the pool together!  Although I may be drained, I have had quite an uplifting day!