Halfway? Or not even close?

Tuesday - July 24, 2012

Another "an" artpiece - our surname means "peace"

Steroids cannot be fingered as the reason for this morning's pre-dawn wake-up.  Happily, it wasn't my previous 4 a.m. norm but I didn't enjoy the deep slumber of this last glorious week. Perhaps it's just the anticipation of pulling together my go-bag and checking into VCU today.  Oncology or Bone Marrow?  I'll take anything with a full view of the sky, thank you very much!  Perhaps it's the realization that today would have marked the halfway point of my lymphoma treatment yet now, after yesterday's BMT consult, I am aware that this journey back to health is a MUCH longer haul.  I'm not even close to halfway!

In class this year, I would refer to a change in schedule as a "higgledy piggledy" day, a time when we would encounter a shift from the familiar, predictable, and comfortable routine and roll with the new, the different, and the unavoidable.  Now, here in my new-normal of life-with-cancer I am looking at a sequestration and strength-building timetable that could reach into early 2014.  Wow!  It's funny how slowly this realization  creeps in but how quickly one can adapt to news of the inescapable.  If this path is indeed my best option for controlling and eradicating my lymphoma, then I'm all over it - leggo!  I'm already researching online graduate classes in children's literature (Penn State) and elementary mathematics (Drexel) as a means to keep my mind occupied and my future employability an option.

Joe and I are also kicking around our living options:  Williamsburg?  Richmond?  San Francisco?  Arlington / DC area?  With a BMT, I will need to live within 30 minutes of the transplant unit.  Given my recent experience of the ferocity of an infection while I was neutropenic, I get it.  I need to be close.  I need to monitor myself closely and to roar to the hospital without hesitation (no Yankee restraint).  Our current and future retirement homes are both about 50 minutes from VCU so, yes, we have already begun looking at rentals and purchases in Richmond.  And then there's the issue of my being on lock-down (no crowds for 1 year to 18 months after transplant - WOW!!!!) .... Where would this "incanceration" best take place?  Joe will be managing a new and busier job in San Francisco and I have no social support system there.  However, Megan is a hop, skip, and a jump away, Jonathan has access through a major airport, and Joe and I would have the treat of living in San Francisco.  But could we really enjoy this treat if I needed to be stuck in the house?  Then, there's the temptation of returning to our roots and supportive commuity in (or near) Arlington.  We are researching possible BMT units as well as no-lawn, smaller housing options within 30 minutes of Georgetown?  GW?  Hopkins?  The latter is probably too far for Joe's commute; Tidewater VA has spoiled us in terms of traffic. So much to consider ... and plenty of time to mull it over!

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How fortunate am I to have ALL of these options and SO much support!  How do families manage when they are dependent on the wages of a BMT patient?  When they have young children at home?  What if you were all alone?  I feel incredibly lucky.  I am flooded with love and appreciation for my family and friends who are helping me face all of these challenges with optimism, information, and humor.