Joe left this morning for 12 days of work in San Francisco; add some visits with Megan and throw in a little house hunting and he is sure to be a busy man. My time alone coincides with a shift in "the countdown move" from double digits to single digits (only 9 weeks to go until we head west) so I am focusing on preparations by continuing to weed out and cut back. This solitary interlude comes along at a time when I am also counting down to a happy event (Jonathan's graduation!) and a potentially even happier event (another clear no-evidence-of-disease scan report).See how I tried to ward off the anxiety of cancer news by visualizing a good report? Does that work for anyone? Not so much with me. Joe is talking about a celebratory dinner when we hear excellent news on the 21st. I can't quite get to that point. Yes, despite this most recent typical-for-me upper-respiratory distress, I feel absolutely terrific. No harbingers of lymphoma at all. No possible symptoms. It's just that "lurking" word that makes me wary, the lingering distrust I have in this body that so blatantly betrayed me, those moments of slight sweat and overheating that come with the spring and being 51. Anxiety lurks. So I keep BUSY! I keep FOCUSED!
Focused on my last few weeks of work as a math tutor. Focused on sorting and tossing. Focused on ridding myself of this wretched cough. Focused on the sustenance of family and friends. Focused on the many blessings I enjoy. Focused on my awesome streak of good luck in this cancer casino. Focused on the positive. That's how I hope to avoid the stress of watchful waiting.
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