Four Hours as a Foursome in Blacksburg

Saturday - February 23, 2013

At the Homeplace Restaurant

How is it possible that the four of us have never before enjoyed some family time together with Jonathan in Blacksburg?  Myriad combinations of Ammiratis have enjoyed visits to VA Tech (each of us alone, Megan and I, Joe and I, even Carolyn and I) but somehow we have never managed to gather as a foursome.  Today, Megan, Joe, and I made an oh-so-brief trip to see Jonathan; eight hours of driving for four hours of visiting but it was completely satisfying.  Not only did we escape a dreary rainy day in Williamsburg but also enjoyed our traditional leisurely stroll around the Tech campus under some blue skies.  Jonathan brought us out of town, through the southwest Virginia countryside to dine in the locally lauded Homeplace Restaurant.  Great food, great vistas, great company.  A lovely family day.

I remember that the last time Joe and I visited Blacksburg in the fall, I was still completely without hair - no eyelashes, no eyebrows, no hair on my scarf-covered head, and no hair on my shivering arms!  Now just a few short months later, I am MUCH warmer with my well-appreciated hair and MUCH more undercover in terms of being "touched by cancer."  I love these tangible and visible steps forward :) 

Another Step Forward (by Going Back ...)

Tuesday - February 19, 2013

... that is, by going back into an elementary school :)  Today was my first (half) day of a multi-week assignment to tutor math in 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade classrooms.  It was simply and absolutely lovely to begin to regain the footing that was forcibly wrested from me on May 12 last year.  I am keen to snatch back my plans and goals from the bludgeoning mugger that is (was?) my stage 4 lymphoma.  I am oh-so-ready to refine my previous experience and to expand and stretch into new knowledge and understandings.  Ready, ready, ready.  I am deeply appreciative of the continuity of this long assignment as well as the half-day position.  As reluctant as I might be to admit, a full-time classroom position and lesson planing might be beyond my strength just now.  And, of course, Megan is home for another four weeks  :)

A Book Immersion Day

Sunday - February 17, 2013

Last night's prediction of snow was completely off-base; not one flake was visible this morning.  However, the deep cold and strong winds kept the hounds huddled inside and provided a cozy background for Megan and me to read on the couch.  I cannot remember the last time I sat down and actually plowed through an entire novel in one sitting.  Megan's recommendation of "The Art of Racing in the Rain" was well-founded.  Once I started it, I kept turning the pages.  The mother dying of cancer plot line hit a bit close to home but the narrative perspective, positivity, and connection overrode any discomfort. Nothing like curling up with a good book :)

Metamorphoses

Friday - February 15, 2013

Our return to Arena Stage

Megan and I enjoyed a fabulous daytrip to Arlington and DC.  The impetus for this travel was Megan's theater treat, an outing to see Mary Zimmerman's "Metamorphoses" at Arena Stage.  Our evening itself represented a role reversal - yes, a metamorphosis of sorts.  While for years the two of us have indulged in NYC and DC area theater, this show was a complete surprise for me; it was Megan's out-of-the-blue gift.  This time, it was me opening an envelope to discover the gift of a theater experience.  Of course, I was a teary mess at my lovely girl's beautiful gesture.  Coming the day after my remarkable "unremarkable" news, our return to DC theater going was transformed into a celebration, tempered by raw appreciation of my current good fortune, and accompanied by a profuse amount of tears in the dark of the Fichlander.  "Metamorphoses" presents multiple and profound portraits of love and grief.  Megan and I just held each other, crying ....  Can you imagine if Tuesday had brought news of a relapse?  The power and immediacy of theater.

Prior to venturing downtown, we made some quick afternoon stops around our much-missed north Arlington neighborhood, popping in on friends for too-brief visits:  Rock Spring!  Betsy!  Kelly!  Casa Lanaras!  Rushed hugs and doses of happiness that will fuel me for some time.  But I need to get back north soon for a more relaxed, longer visit.  Definitely before our July move to San Francisco.  A return visit to Arlington. Now THAT's a goal to look forward to! 

Joseph topped our daytrip off by treating us to an overnight at Hotel Monaco in Old Town. A long mother-daughter linger before hitting 95 for our return south.

"Unremarkable" is a Beautiful Word (+ post-news exhaustion)

Tuesday - February 12, 2012

"Unremarkable" in scan reports means "all clear" which is the news that every cancer patient is desperate to hear.  We can breathe again.

Now I await my Rituxan infusion.  This waiting is infinitely bearable with good news and unremarkable scan reports in hand.   Phew.......

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Time to ZONK out.  I was utterly spent after the morning at Dalton, fortifying myself with some hazelnut coffee for my drive home (I was solo in Richmond today) and then crashing into oblivion on the couch as soon as I walked in the door.  Of course, the mega-dose of pre-Rituxan Benadryl may be the culprit but I suspect that my sense of utter relief must have some chemical effect on my body.  After all, adrenalin and cortisol have documented chemical impacts.  The absence of such stress hormones might bring on deep restorative sleep.

Relief ....  My oncologist's news felt like a plug was pulled in my reservoir of anxiety and the build-up of stress just drained away.  I slept and snoozed and dozed away in the treatment chair during my Rituxan infusion.  Perhaps for the first time ever, the every-15-minute shriek of the pump alarm did not wake me and I was scarcely aware of my vitals being taken.  So relieved.  So tired.

The bare bones of the excellent tidings were fleshed out with  two additional explanations and interpretations from Dr. Perkins.  1) VCU's new PET scan provides much more detailed 3D images and heightens the strength and confidence of the "No Evidence of Disease" report.  2) With this clear / clean / "unremarkable" / NED-for-7-months scan, the odds of relapse decline.  And then Dr. Perkins demonstrated this decline in the chance of a relapse by using a nifty hand gesture, dipping his hand downward ... like plummeting down a slide, dropping down a rollercoaster loop, or swooping down a double black diamond.  Gosh I really liked that hand gesture.  Relapse?  I am not in the clear but those relapse odds are swooping down ... down ... down ....  My survival appears to be no longer just a coin flip and THAT feels great.

Anxiety or Anticipation?

Monday - February 11, 2013

As Carly Simon sings ....

"Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin' ..."

I'm not quite sure at this point if I am feeling anxiety or simple anticipation of tomorrow's NEWS.  Am I still clear (yes, please!) of the dreaded lymphoma relapse?  Or is it once more creeping back into my system?  Emerging from the crevices of my bone marrow or my central nervous system where it has lain hidden, dormant, gaining strength, gaining immunity from the chemical warfare arsenal with which it was bombarded for six months?  I'm not exactly nervous or anxious but am just tired of the limbo / the waiting / the anticipation of whatever is NEXT!  My mind races .... Why am I feeling hot?  Am I more tired than last week?  Why did my arm cramp while I slept? There's much detailed second-guessing during "watchful waiting." ....  Megan's message board research shows that 80% of DLBC lymphoma relapses are symptomatic; only 20% are surprises.  I feel terrific these days but could I be one of the asymptomatic 20%?  It could be a long long night ....

But at least it wasn't a long long weekend ....  With Megan in Northern Virginia, Jonathan at school, and Joe away on business travel, it could have been an onerous weekend of "watchful waiting."  However, I had the ultimate happy distraction of Diane's visit from Northern Virginia.  We spent many cheerful hours reminiscing, catching up, and dissecting / solving all issues great and small.  Of course, we also ate like fiends and enjoyed some great walks with the hounds :)  A phenomenal time with a dear friend.  She kept me sane these last two days.  Truly.
 

A Peek at a New Phase?

Thursday - February 7, 2013

Natalie, Elizabeth, and Megan

Of course, I cannot forget that bad news on Tuesday morning could once again shift foundations, expectations, and plans ... BUT today offered a peek of a new role and a fresh routine.  Tuesday's news of a possible teaching job has firmed up; I will begin teaching math in small RTI groups to 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders after the President's Day long weekend.  Happy, happy, happy!  I am so incredibly grateful to have such an unexpected opportunity to work while regathering my physical strength as well as trust in my body.  Half-day work sounds just about right these days.  An ideal situation.

Today also proved to be a red letter, A+ special day due to Elizabeth and Natalie's visit from Arlington.  Moving away from "home" means not only leaving your friends but also missing glimpses of your children's friends as they grow up.  Seeing these three sharp, savvy, and lovely women together once more is an amazing treat!  Listening to them sing highlights from their 2nd grade play was a sweet (and funny) moment :)

Slight Shifts in the Norm (possibly)

Another beautiful excuse to walk the hounds

Tuesday - February 5, 2013

Hmmmm ....  No fretting over test results - YET!  My mind has been successfully diverted from next Tuesday's latest installment of "big news" by focusing on:

• Thursday's visit with two of Megan's oldest and dearest friends
• an upcoming weekend visit with a dear, long-missed Arlington friend
• a new spot-on Indian curry recipe recreated alongside Megan 
• brushing my hair for the first time since I shaved it all off in mid-June
• .... and [drum roll please] a phone call from HR offering me a part-time job through the end of the year.  Yay!  If / when Tuesday's results are good and if / when the ink is dry on a contract, I'll share the good news  :)   Tonight, I can hardly believe this shift in my fortunes and definitely feel a bit perkier with this news.  Even if by some circumstance it doesn't work out, in another mantra that the kids are probably tired of, "it is always nice to be asked."  I am very very appreciative of the offer and so hopeful that I may be back at daily work in school - with kids! - after President's Day.

Test Time

Monday - February 4, 2013

"Watchful Waiting" must eventually shift from the waiting to the watching and today was the day when we got around to actually checking things out via PET scan and then a head and orbit MRI.  The tests themselves are old-hat by now but VCU is now using the new PET scanner which has been rumored since my first PET scan in May.  Nice change  :)   Brand-spanking new, much faster, and even ceiling lighting panels of back-lit photographs of the sky glimpsed through leafy branches.  I was almost fooled into thinking I was indeed outside on a glorious summer day but then they strapped me down onto the gurney and the illusion was dashed.  A kind impulse by the radiology receptionist to compact our day inadvertently elongated our schedule.  Megan waited solo 3 hours and together we sat in various holding areas for an additional 3.  A long day made enjoyable by Megan's company and a Burger Bach meal in Richmond. 

Results?  Next Tuesday.  My goal is to remain calm, centered, and optimistic  :)