Wind in (some) Hair!

Thursday - January 31, 2013

Last night's violent storms have transitioned into brisk breezes and have heralded a new milestone in my recovery:  yup, wind is ruffling my hair.  While I still don't have enough hair on my head to merit a comb (let alone a brush), I have been going out "as is" since mid-December and am certainly warmer than I was a few weeks ago.  And although the breezes of St. Thomas did not create any sensation on my yes-I-have-a-little-hair head, three weeks after vacation today's springlike gusts have shown that my hair is indeed growing in.  A good feeling.  A sign that I'm moving forward.  Let's hope that my internal health parallels this external barometer :)  That's what I really care about, of course.

For many months, I meant to set down some thoughts about losing my hair to cancer but somehow I could never quite articulate the depth of the fact that I just did NOT CARE.  Not a bit.  I had expected some level of emotional loss but it simply never came to me.  I missed the warmth of my hair  -- on my head, my arms, that fine down just below my earlobes -- but I was surprised to realize that I just really did not mourn the loss of the style aspect of my hair. Perhaps it's because I have always been profoundly low-maintenance in terms of both make-up and hair.  Perhaps it's because I don't have much style!  Anyway I did care that I lost that insulating warmth as well as my anonymity in public due to my hair loss.  Baldness is cancer's public red flag.  The double takes and stares at my scarves, hats, and total lack of facial hair (eyebrows, eyelashes, that wonderful, warming down I missed so much on my cheeks) were a bit discomfiting.  Then a dear friend erased even that discomfort when she wrote:

"About realizing you look different in public - whenever I see a woman with a wig or scarf, it is obvious some chemicals are being mainstreamed into her body. I always say a quick prayer for her strength and courage . So..when you see pp looking, believe they are wishing you godspeed and feel comfort with that. We all could use more of those positive vibes :):)"

 So welcome back hair!  I am happy to have it back for as long as I can.