Snow is indeed a rare treat here in Tidewater Virginia and I am enjoying the peace, loveliness, and change of pace brought about by today's inch of snow. Of course, the hounds are horrified. They widen their eyes and look up at us incredulously whenever we venture an outing. Regular clearance of the deck / back path to lessen their shock coupled with positive reinforcement (liver treats) when they return to the house seem to be doing the trick .... Anyway, I welcome the beauty of the afternoon snow on our backyard vista. The white brightens the forest as well as my mood.
I am feeling rather blue these days but so far am successfully fighting it off. Perhaps now that the rush of treatment is at a (temporary?) lull and Jonathan has returned to school, I am feeling the creep of sadness, of loss for my previous rhythm ... expectations ... assumptions.... I am enormously grateful - sublimely content - that Megan is here. Her daily presence is a tremendous gift/silver lining that I never would have anticipated in my wildest dreams when all four of us were blithely going about our pre-illness business last year. Whenever I feel a great twinge of regret / remorse / loss, I look at our splendid girl working away here on the east coast rather than in California and am overwhelmed. I am thankful to be enjoying her company HERE rather than in a bone marrow transplant unit in Richmond or Baltimore. I am grateful that Jonathan and Joe can return to their routines without the stress and distraction of my illness and risky treatment. Yes I am appreciative and relieved. Yes I am accepting the new. But I am mourning the loss of the old.
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